Choose on This

Choose on This

“Winners never quit. And quitters never win…”

Not bad. But I think I can add to this, without taking anything away.

(forget about the quitters, they’re already off this bus) But how about: “Winners never quit choosing to win”?  That’s more of a complete story if you ask me. Because it does take constant effort and tireless dedication to do it:

1.) To gain victory, overcome an adversary

2.) To succeed in reaching (a place, condition, etc) especially by great effort

“Especially, by great effort”. Because it never tastes as sweet when it’s easy. Don’t get me wrong! I love me an effortless and total domination every once and a while but the greatest win, a true victory, is one in which you work for it. And in return, receive so much more than what you strive for.

That’s when it all comes together. It makes sense. Satori! It was worth it…

I like this idea. A lot. It seems very relevant to my life right now. And as I think on it, it gives me focus, and conjures powerful images of determination, of confidence and of strength.

I can actually feel it physically as the thoughts begin to take shape in my mind. Forming out of emotions and images, collecting together and becoming something greater, something real and alive. Something that reaches down through my body and into my gut, gaining a hold of the stone that lives there.

No, I don’t eat rocks.

But you know the one I’m talking about. That dense bundle of energy and movement that carries you forward when you begin to hit a stride. The hollow that sinks to your feet when you realize something special or important has been lost. The very same stone that can start to weigh so much so quickly, it’s hard to move forward at all.

But when you have this thing, this ‘stone’ in your mind’s grip you are infinitely powerful. Because you are aware. Aware of your body, and of your autonomy. Aware of your freedom and of your will. Aware of your your capacity and ability to think. To understand. To choose.

Choices are tough business! I mean c’mon! Even at the grocery store how many options do we wade through before finding ‘just the right one’? (brand loyalty… familiarity… these make those decisions pretty easy). But they can easily (and often do) go entirely unnoticed, guiding you through the motions of a daily ‘routine’ by rote. One you may not even know exists! Think about it… every action you take, whether you are present in the moment of deciding or not, is a choice.

Ok… throwing a big heaping HANDFUL of salt on that noise…

Sometimes, we’re powerless over those choices. I truly believe this. Not because we lack the awareness or capacity to make the ‘right’ decision, but because we loose the ability to trust (ourselves) to make it. Think about the 12 step program, the cornerstone of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is a great example because it’s vaguely familiar but not entirely clear. Unless you’ve been to a meeting, it’s probably an unfamiliar/weird/uncomfortable place, but just let yourself go there for a minute…

I think we can agree that whatever they’re on to, the shit works. Approaching alcoholism as a ‘disease’ makes it ‘treatable’. But the disease that is being treated is the erosion/destruction of that stone. The resulting hollow is an empty, isolating place. A void. It’s an atrophy of trust…. Of the self.

And the ‘cure’ for this? Well by golly, it’s a choice. Or at least, it starts with a decision to fight and to keep choosing victory. Maybe by a flicker of clarity. Even if just for a nano-moment it’s there. And when you see it, and you feel it, and you take that step forward, that hollow is no longer so empty. There’s a stone there. Maybe a pebble, or even a grain of sand. But it is there. Rattling around, swaying inside you. It’s a tiny pendulum that can swing you back to center, or at least become something concrete or real. Something you can feel and allow yourself to follow the moment. To trust in the direction it (you) will take you. To change. To struggle. To fight… To win.

I dunno where this post came from. It was my intention to keep it rather shallow actually! (this blog was full of heavy shit for a while…) But hey, whatevs. I just went with it. That makes it real. (and I’m the pretty much the realest person I know ;) )

By the suggestion of a Dan Savage, whose podcast “Savage Love” I totally love! It’s great. He’s so intelligent, and honest, and real. It’s almost as if you’re sitting over coffee, spilling your guts about sex and intimacy, asking the questions about everything you’ve ever wanted to know (and even the things you didn’t know you wanted to know!).

I respect his approach. A lot. He’s just, himself. And it makes me want to be like, myself! Even though I know that I’m goofy, and weird, and sometimes awkward, and my timing isn’t always the greatest. He helps remind me that despite my own kinks and quirks and carefully laid plans, I’m human. And that’s A-OK.


*btw, not an alcoholic here. And I’m so grateful because it’s as common as vodka in a polish daycare, on both sides of my family. Very aware of that. Very careful. That’s not to say I don’t enjoy it. I love wine. Beer’s great too. And a Hendrick’s martini or Jameson, up, can definitely make any evening more… eventful. That’s not to say I don’t have an addictive personality and struggle in my own ways. That pretty much goes without saying. But I’m happy that it’s never been an issue with booze. And I plan on keeping it that way.


2 thoughts on “Choose on This

    1. THANK YOU! And so true. :)

      Miss you too mister! I’m loving the idea of a warm, snow free winter. At least, for a little break. I hope you’re well! xo

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